Reblogged from kirstenthompson
When he was 2 years old, he fell out of a second story window and fractured his skull
When he was 6 years old, he mistakenly drank boric acid.
When he was 9 years old, he fell over a small cliff and broke his leg.
When he was 11 years old, he contracted measles and was in a coma for nine days.
When he was 14 years old, he broke his arm when he caught it in a carriage door.
When he was 19 years old, he was struck on the head by a falling brick.
When he was 23 years old, he almost died from the effects of tainted wine.
When he was 29 years old, Adolph Sax invented the saxophone.
clearly someone didn’t want that saxophone invented
#incompetent time-travelling saxophone haters
rob-anybody -#i just want this to be a movie#starring christopher walken and dwayne johnson
"You had one job!" The Master scowled. "If the saxophone is developed, there will be too much bad incidental sex music in movies. We can not allow that to happen!"
"I tried. And I tried." The assassin looked defiant.
"And tried, and tried, and failed. And FAILED." The Master looked at the glowing screen, which showed the slide show of every attempt made on the Boy’s life.
"We still delayed saxophone development by years." The assassin was always one to look on the bright side of life. Especially since it was his life now that was on the line.
"And with every attempt, you have made him stronger! He’s almost 30 now!" The Master pointed at the last series of shots, of a tall, beautiful brown-skinned man slowly taking off his cravat and unbuttoning his frilly shirt, revealing amazing developed pectorals and seriously cut abs the smooth skin marred with several scars. The subject turned, and the tight-fitting trousers failed, much like the assassin, to conceal the magic within. "Look at him!"
"I am - I am!"
"Not like that!" The Master slapped his riding crop across the screen, startling the assassin. "You’re going to have to go back. Try again."
The Master looked grim. “Try not to sound so happy.”